Post-WOD Position

I have not been able to get the box lately. Lately encompasses since The Games this past July. Life (life and life) outside of CrossFit demanded and still demands my attention. The guilt of being away from the gym is great albeit highly irrational. I am not paid to CrossFit. Nor does CrossFit bring me love and affection. It doesn’t feed me or take me out to the movies or rub my earlobs to relax me after a trying day.

In fact, CrossFit many times treats me bad. It makes my lungs cry. It fills me with self-doubt and self-loathing about my physical abilities. It takes my money. It makes my shoulder, and my ankle and my neck hurt. And sometimes it’s WODs just downright hurt my feelings. But nonetheless, I feel like I have neglected CrossFit. Irrational.

But instead of dwelling on my clearly misguided guilt about being away from it, I’ve decided to call my sabatical my CrossFit off-season. Every athlete at any level needs at least three months off. I’ve taken four. A little extra never hurt, right? So I’m committed again. November 1 was the beginning of my personal CrossFit season. And the first order of business is and has been setting some “Ridiculous CrossFit Goals” for the upcoming 2011 year. Some are not so much goals as they are the intention to perform certain acts. Either way, I’m putting it out there.

I call them ridiculous because there is no reason, given all I said CrossFit takes from me and all it fails to give, I should be at all concerned with settng the particular goals I’ve set. But I’m compelled. The explanation escapes me. It just calls me. So in the law of attraction spirit of asking the universe for what it is you want, I’ve decided to share just a few with the internet universe and see what I attract back.

1. Compete in the 2011 NorthEast Regional and place in the top 16. Probably the most ridiculous of my goals, this would honestly give me the most satisfaction if I accomplished it. Why? Well, for one, I think I’m at a decided disadvantage to other high level CrossFitters in a few key areas: age, access and aerobic capacity. Most of these guys at this level are in their late 20′s. I’m not. ‘Nuff said. Most of these guys have 24/7 access to equipment and facilities. I don’t. And most of the successful guys have a tremendous aerobic ability. Milers in weightlifters bodies. I have never had that ability and have a difficult time developing it.

2. Grease my wheel. More intention than goal, I have to nurture what I’m good at. I may not be as young, have as much time or have the lungs of some others. But I have speed (still), strength (more than most) and knowledge. So over this CF season I plan to,

a) perform two speed/track workouts per week based on CF Endurance as long the temperature is over 40 degrees, and

b)  squat, clean and snatch with, in the words of Mike Tyson, “bad intentions”, and

c) stick to a strict Paleo/Athlete diet except for the occassional buttered bagel.

Bottom line is, I want to be impressively fast and impressively strong and pretty damn fit. I want to allow my body to do what it’s telling me it wants to do. I’m never going to beat, almost anyone, in a 5k. But those same folks will hardly come close to me in a 100m sprint or a bear complex. Now how that translates to 1 to 10, clean and jerk at 155# with a round of “Cindy” is anyone’s guess.

3. Get sponsored. I see what’s happening in CrossFit. It’s becoming a professional sport, mainly through sponsorships. So I want in on the action. Syn Martinez of the Afro Brutality crew has been kind enough to allow me to wear some of his gear. But I want more. And while others may go the traditional route, being sponsored by sports apparel and supplement companies directly, I’m looking for sponsorship from my friends, family and readers. One dollar at a time. I’m going to put a link to Paypal on this and another site I’ll set up specifically for this purpose. So if you want to donate some change, feel free. What do I plan on using the proceeds for? Shoes maybe? Who knows. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Of course I have more CF goals, like getting Level I certified, but I won’t list them all. The main one is I just want to have fun with this.

The first time I visited his office, I asked had he read all those books. Without hesitation he said, “Yes.” I don’t know why but it struck me as one of the best things I’d ever heard. The pursuit of knowledge in and of itself just appealed to me. I thought to myself, “I want to know all there is to know about a bunch of stuff. I’m going to have a library like this too.” Over the next twenty years (sigh!), I’ve accumulated a hodgepodge collection of books, newspapers and magazines. And yes, I’ve read most of these items in whole and all at least in part.

A partial glimpse of my library

As was my goal, over the years I’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge over a modest array of topics. However, as I’ve gotten older and perhaps a natural byproduct of doing so, I’ve become less interested in learning about a wide range of topics. I haven’t thought about that change too deeply, but every now and again the thought pops in my head as to why this might be so. I’ve brushed it off as simply being in a reading slump or being occupied with other things. But I’m also filled with the thought it’s more to it.

Recently I watched (re-watched) the movie “The Edge” starring Sir Anthony Hopkins (Charles) and Alec Baldwin (Robert). Charles was a well read and broadly knowledgeable billionaire. In one scene he speaks about skills applicable to survival in the northern wilderness with an innkeeper, while visiting Alaska. The innkeeper asks if Charles has a lot of experience in the wilderness and Charles explains, with some self-disappointed, his knowledge is theoretical. In an earlier scene, when Charles was complemented by Robert for this broad knowledge, Charles explained he had no practical use for his knowledge. Clearly, Charles despite being well accomplished, was less impressed with himself than others were with him having failed, in his mind, to accomplish the “unequivocal” act in his life. (Like becoming a billionaire wasn’t enough.)

As the movie progresses Charles, Robert and Robert’s aide (played by Harold Perrineau of Lost and Oz fame) are put in a situation where Charles’ theoretical knowledge is put to the test. Without giving the movie away (it has several other sub-plots and is definitely worth a Netflix), Charles experiences some success in converting the theoretical to the practical. When it’s all said and done, it’s only after he’s put to these tests that he feels any sense of real accomplishment.

When I saw this movie in its theatrical release I failed to fully understand the nuances of what Charles was going through. His feeling of defeat despite being extraordinarily accomplished simply wasn’t fulfilling. He needed to test the knowledge he had in the real world. In a swift rush of “Ah-ha!”, I identified the couldn’t-put-my-finger-on-it feeling I was having. I have a bunch of knowledge but I have failed to practically apply much of it. Thus there is this bubbling need in me to DO instead of just KNOW. Basically,

Books is for reading, life is for doin’.

As I approach a milestone age for me and with the next decade on the horizon, my life will become a grand lab experiment. I have the knowledge, I know what to do, now it’s time, it’s past time, to do it.

Me, Thing One, Maria and Coach Bill$

I read an article in the Wall Street Journal called This Is Your Brain Without Dad. Scientists studied rodents called degus whose brains react similarly to humans’ brains to environmental stimuli. These scientists attempted to observe what happens when fathers are taken out of the picture. And the verdict was:

1. When deprived of their father, the degu pups exhibit both short- and long-term changes in nerve-cell growth in different regions of the brain.
2. Their preliminary analysis indicates that fatherless degu pups exhibit more aggressive and impulsive behavior than pups raised by two parents.

In other words when degus where deprived of their fathers care (licking, preening, snuggling) the degus suffered brain damage. The study also showed short absences of fathers away from pups was less damaging than long or permanent absences. The study also goes on to say that the pups continued this brain damaged state into adulthood. I will let you read the article to get the explanation as to the science-y reasons any of this happens.

It got me to thinking, am I causing my kids brain damage? I’ve tried my best to form my schedule where I can spend as much time with the babies as possible. To a degree, I’m successful but not without a lot of sacrafice in other areas of my life. But even with that effort my non-parenting obligations simply don’t neatly conform to a court ordered 50/50 custody schedule.

Inevitably, I’m spending guilt-filled time away from the babies. Although the babies are much better off than most children of split marriages/relationships in that they see both of their parents consistently and frequently, it’s still not ideal. The article was a swift reminder I need to be diligent in carving out time with the girls, both quality and quantity. There are a few things I try to do and would suggest for any parent, especially parents who do not live with the children 100% of the time:

Choose your companion well.  Eddie Murphy once joked the secret to relationship happiness is finding someone as f’d up as you and settling down. There’s certainly a lot of truth there. Opposites may attract in physics (it’s physics right?) but not necessarily in relationships. If he likes coffee she should probably like coffee too. If she likes dining out at a new restaurant every third Friday of the month, it’s probably good if he likes to as well.

What does this have to do with the subject matter at hand? Well, as a single parent, I’ve realized your dating relationship has to be in harmony with your parenting. Having coffee in common or liking to work out together is an indicator that someone will have a deeper understanding of you and your situation. If you plan on spending a lot of time with your children, and you should, having an understanding companion is essential. It’s likely you’ll find yourself having child-related schedule conflicts with date night. Trust me, you want a companion who will roll with those punches and sometimes invite the extra company. What you don’t want is someone telling you he or she is not fond of your kids or acting like it. A companion on the same page as you will undoubtedly allow you to spend more time with your children.

Treat everyday as bring your daughter (or son) to work (or play) day. Some of my most fond memories of my childhood involved hanging out with my father at the local bar. Now if he had taken me there in this day and age someone would definitely be calling child services. But I have to say it was some of the better times I had with him. Hey, it was the ’70s. I got to drink ginger ale with a little umbrella in the glass, eat all the chips and peanuts I wanted and I played billiards to my heart’s content. And I got to see my father pal around and be jovial. It was a cool experience.

I try to do the same with my girls, only I’ve replaced Starbucks for the local pub. C-Thunda has even gotten to the point where she asks daily if we can go “coffee shoppin’ “. I bring the girls on errands, to work and to the gym when I can. Mostly I want them to see me in my daily element. And I don’t want to miss stuff they might say or do when they’d otherwise be with a baby sitter.  Some of that stuff is priceless. And this goes both ways. Sometimes I let them choose the activity. Typically it’s the bookstore or the park, and I’m cool with either.

Communicate often. Vary the method. If you want to stay bonded with your kids, you need to consider both the quality, as well as the quantity, of your communications with them. Again my parenting situation separates the babies and me a few days at a time. Since I’m only seeing them every couple of days (for some kids and parents maybe it’s every couple of weeks or months) I want to make sure we have the volume of connections we need to maintain the ideal relationship. The only way to do that is to use technology.

T-One has had her own cell phone since she was 6-years-old. Although she/we rarely use it, it has put in the babies’ minds they always have access to their parents even if we are not under the same roof. We often send text messages back and forth, with C-Thunda reciting and T-One manipulating the keys. We have a blog where we write and basically keep a scrap book of our daily adventures together. Sometimes T-One writes on it when she’s at their mom’s. Pictures and videos go without saying. I’m not sure what I would do without a camera on my cell phone.

Savor breakfasts and backseats. Most of our talking is done in the car and at breakfast. When I discovered this I instituted two rules. No TV at breakfast and no iPod in the car except on weekends. I find my girls hate silence, so they can’t help but spill the beans about their day or what they’re thinking. It’s a great time to connect.

As I started writing this post (I know it’s long as hell) so many other things came to mind. One in particular I will call “Remove Barriers to Entry“, I’ll write about soon. It’s a subject unto itself.

T-One just texted me. Later.

I have been really trying to get into this metaphysical thing. You know. The idea tha we are all connected. The idea there is a reality beyond what is perceptible to the our tangible senses. The idea we need only ask for what it is we want and we will receive it. Sometimes it’s called the Philosophy of Success or Quantum Metaphysics. Sometimes it’s called religion. I simply think of it as something greater than me.

So, I reread The Secret. The first time it didn’t take. Apparently I missed a step, or two. (Hardy, har, har. I crack me up.) In rereading the book, one thing jumped out at me I had forgotten annoyed me the first time around. It’s the basic premise of The (so-called) Law of Attraction. This law states everything in your life, you’ve attracted. Bascially, you asked for it.  Consciously or unconsciously. The universe is going to give you what you ask for whether or not you know you’ve asked for it. Another tenet of this law is it doesn’t distinguish “don’t” or “not” or “no” and other words of negation. So according to The Secret, the universe eliminates certain words from the English language and only listens to the others. “I don’t want a bad haircut” becomes “I want a bad haircut”.

Really? Horse-kaka! While I believe in the basic premise of Ask, Believe and Receive I don’t buy the part about everything we ask for we get and everything we’ve gotten we’ve asked for. In the book one of the contributors talks about how he always lines up the great parking spaces because he asks the universe for great parking spaces.  By deduction, he is saying if you are pessimistic about getting a great parking spot you will get a lousy parking spot.

Well today, when I was parking in a downtown Newark, NJ parking garage, I was cursing the architects and engineers  who built this thing because I just knew I wasn’t going to get a good spot. Thus by The (so-called) Law of Attraction, I should have gotten a lousy parking spot. Well, I did not. I got the best spot in the entire garage. Right by the entrance to the building I was going into. Sometimes, you just get what you get.

This one aspect of The Law of Attraction - everything you have asked for you attract and everything you attracted, you’ve asked for - is a bunch of bullshit (Oops, no cursing here. I mean B.S. or bull-ish). Trust me. There is a bunch of stuff going on in my life that I did NOT ask for. But it came along with some other stuff I DID ask for.

I asked the universe for there to be a black/brown/woman President of the United States in my lifetime. It gave it to me. But I did not ask for a near depression, the world-wide freezing of the banking/lending system and two wars in foreign lands against an elusive enemy to provide the impetus for this president’s election.

I asked for a relationship filled with love, passion and fun with a woman who was nurturing, energetic, gorgeous and shared my interests. The universe answered. In her, the universe brought me someone who gave me and was all those things. She was and is very easy to love. But damn! She is flawed, as we all are. Alas, the universe also gave me someone impossible to be in a relationship with. At least the kind I envision.

I asked the universe for my weekend-only barber to be available during the week because it was more convenient for me. The universe delivered. My barber is now available during the week. But I didn’t ask the universe for my barber to lose his regular, benefit-paying, unionized job with DHL to make it all possible. Or for him to take up barbering full-time only to change to another shop 30 miles from my house… because it was more convenient for him.

What The Secret misses is there is a ying-and-yang to this asking the universe for what you want mumbo jumbo. You cannot have hot without cold. You cannot have high without low. Good without evil. Happy without sad. Coke without Sprite. Love without hate. Life without death. The universe as far as I see it demands balance. The universe also demands randomness. Sometimes, stuff just happens and it’s out of your control. Sometimes you get what you didn’t ask for, good and bad. So, to say I asked, or anyone asks, for B.S. in their life is, well, B.S. I did not ask for some of the things in my life. I did not ask for lemons, but I damn sure got ‘em.

For those of you who’ve read this far please don’t think I’m poo-pooing the entirety of Law of Attraction. I’m not. I just think about it differently. Do I think you/we are at the mercy of the universe? No. We can influence the outcomes through our thoughts and actions. We just cannot determine outcomes. But to even influence outcomes we need to build on Ask, Believe, Receive. At least three steps should be added. It should be:

1. Ask
2. Believe
3. Work Your Ass Off
4. Persist At Working Your Ass Off
5. Receive
6. When You Get Lemons (’cause you will get lemons), Make Lemonade

I’ve gotten my fair share of lemons lately. I won’t tell you how long lately is. It’s been a while. When it’s all said and done though, I’m not deterred. The next chapter of my life is about change, change for the better. It’s about going after what I want. The love of my family, my babies, JEM, my friends; wealth in both material and spiritual form; health both in body and mind and ultimately happiness for me and those I touch. It’s about making the life I want and making some sweet sweet lemonade along the way!