The first time I visited his office, I asked had he read all those books. Without hesitation he said, “Yes.” I don’t know why but it struck me as one of the best things I’d ever heard. The pursuit of knowledge in and of itself just appealed to me. I thought to myself, “I want to know all there is to know about a bunch of stuff. I’m going to have a library like this too.” Over the next twenty years (sigh!), I’ve accumulated a hodgepodge collection of books, newspapers and magazines. And yes, I’ve read most of these items in whole and all at least in part.

A partial glimpse of my library

As was my goal, over the years I’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge over a modest array of topics. However, as I’ve gotten older and perhaps a natural byproduct of doing so, I’ve become less interested in learning about a wide range of topics. I haven’t thought about that change too deeply, but every now and again the thought pops in my head as to why this might be so. I’ve brushed it off as simply being in a reading slump or being occupied with other things. But I’m also filled with the thought it’s more to it.

Recently I watched (re-watched) the movie “The Edge” starring Sir Anthony Hopkins (Charles) and Alec Baldwin (Robert). Charles was a well read and broadly knowledgeable billionaire. In one scene he speaks about skills applicable to survival in the northern wilderness with an innkeeper, while visiting Alaska. The innkeeper asks if Charles has a lot of experience in the wilderness and Charles explains, with some self-disappointed, his knowledge is theoretical. In an earlier scene, when Charles was complemented by Robert for this broad knowledge, Charles explained he had no practical use for his knowledge. Clearly, Charles despite being well accomplished, was less impressed with himself than others were with him having failed, in his mind, to accomplish the “unequivocal” act in his life. (Like becoming a billionaire wasn’t enough.)

As the movie progresses Charles, Robert and Robert’s aide (played by Harold Perrineau of Lost and Oz fame) are put in a situation where Charles’ theoretical knowledge is put to the test. Without giving the movie away (it has several other sub-plots and is definitely worth a Netflix), Charles experiences some success in converting the theoretical to the practical. When it’s all said and done, it’s only after he’s put to these tests that he feels any sense of real accomplishment.

When I saw this movie in its theatrical release I failed to fully understand the nuances of what Charles was going through. His feeling of defeat despite being extraordinarily accomplished simply wasn’t fulfilling. He needed to test the knowledge he had in the real world. In a swift rush of “Ah-ha!”, I identified the couldn’t-put-my-finger-on-it feeling I was having. I have a bunch of knowledge but I have failed to practically apply much of it. Thus there is this bubbling need in me to DO instead of just KNOW. Basically,

Books is for reading, life is for doin’.

As I approach a milestone age for me and with the next decade on the horizon, my life will become a grand lab experiment. I have the knowledge, I know what to do, now it’s time, it’s past time, to do it.

I am not saying I want you to know me so well that we have to be BFFs or anything. But I think when you read you should offered the context of me. Of course you will not get it all in one sitting. I can’t go that deep. I can give you a little something. In terms of subject matter, there are three places I can start. Things I’d really rather not tell but would rather it be me than someone else, things you should know about me and things I’d like you know about me. So I put together this quick, preliminary list.

I absolutely, positively and wholeheartedly love these two ladies with all my heart and soul.

The Babies

I am not foolhardy enough to think my relationship with each of them will always be happy-go-lucky. I know plenty of grown women who are estranged from their fathers for one reason or another. I hope The Babies and I are spared this fate. 

I won’t always understand them and they will not always understand me. They will not always like me. I hope they will each forgive my past, present and future f’ups and foibles. One thing is for certain, I’m going to work my rear end off to always let them know I love them and would do anything for each of them no matter if we’re together or apart or wherever else our lives lead each of us.

I smoked marijuana when I was 17 years old and never touched it again. I didn’t get what the big deal was. I have never done any other illegal drugs, I don’t smoke and I rarely drink alcohol. I have to admit though I think smoking and drinking are kinda cool looking. I defy anyone to tell me Humphrey Bogart wasn’t smooth as silk in every movie he ever did. He was chain-smoking and binge-drinking in every one of those movies. Legend has it he was smoking and drinking like it was going out of style in his personal life too. Apparently, it’s what contributed to his death. He was probably smooth as silk in the coffin too. Yeah, I think I’ll continue to stay away from the drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.

I have been arrested twice for unpaid parking tickets. I have worn the orange jump suit and everything. It was horrible. It was my own dang fault. There is no overnight parking on the streets in my town. But laziness and defiance got me locked up for a night (the first instance was just a few hours). I won’t go into details but a battle of attrition ensued over a long period between my ex and myself over who was going to move the cars off the street. She won most of the time as my car was usually the one getting the ticket.

I am a bibliophile. I own at least 1,000 books, have read most of them in their entirety and the others partially. Half are on the subjects of investing and personal finance.

I am afraid of moths and only slightly more afraid of lions. I’m the first one to admit some of my fears aren’t rational. Moths freak me out. They’re furry and they fly erratically. If one gets on you and you brush it off they leave like this crazy moth dust. I have no idea what that stuff is but it’s disgusting. Once i saw a microscopic picture of one. Moths are without argument the ugliest creatures on earth. I hate moths.

Lions though are a different story. They scare me for different reasons. I have had several dreams over the years featuring lions. Don’t ask. I have never had the dreams analyzed. Maybe I should. In each dream though, the lions were always one step from having me for dinner. For some reason, in the dreams, my fear seems only slightly more pronounced with the lions than it is with moths. Go figure.

I’m a ride-or-die-guy. I am extremely loyal and value this trait in others. Have my back and I will definitely have yours. You don’t have wonder if I’ll be there for you. I will. Some have said to a fault. If it’s a fault, I’ll live with it. I like this about me.

That’s enough for now.

Update (June 1, 2009):

In the quest to strike the correct balance of being open, telling too much and protecting others I’ve decided to delete one of the above items (formerly shown). There was a turn for the better in a personal relationship of mine that I do not want to undermine by what I published here. I struggled with this and actually sat on this decision for a month. My decision to remove the piece of information was not necessarily to protect me. There wasn’t much more damage that could have been caused from the “public” knowing. In the end my decision to remove it was more about protecting someone else. Many of you have already read this post in the original form, so you have that one bit of information. Can’t take that back. But going forward it’s simply better to keep that one close to the vest.